praying for our little man

During our weekly devotional last night, Ryan asked me what we should be praying about. 

Of course, I said Little Man. 

Then I went on to tell Ryan how I've been doing a really good job not worrying about him all.the.time. and just enjoying the experience so far. And that even though I know there's the risk of him being born with some disabilities {physical and mental} I've really just pushed them out of my mind.

THEN I realized what I was saying and GAAAHHHH! my baby could be born with symptoms from this genetic disorder Ryan and I carry.

Ryan very honestly confessed to worrying about it more than he should and I did a double: GAAAAHHHH! 

{Ryan never worries}

And my stomach did that nervous flip. You know the kind.

I know in my heart that he will be born perfect and just the way God intends and that the unknown is scary for every Mom {new and not new}, but still! The worry instantly set in and we talked a lot about how Baby Boy could be born differently than we've been picturing these last few months.

We took a few minutes to be dead real and serious about the whole situation. We talked about the chances of him being a carrier, having symptoms, not having any symptoms, and what to do with it all.

And I know that any baby can be born with a genetic disease and his/her parents never know about it and they grow up perfect! BUT the reality for us is that we do know. Whether we like it or not we're well aware of our baby's risk of being a carrier and until we get the blood results back it will be of my mind.  

It's easy for even me to say....he'll be fine! The chances of him being a carrier and having severe symptoms is low. We shouldn't think twice about it. Parents are given scary information by doctors all the time and in the end it's nothing!! 

I want to be positive, but I don't want to be naive. We aren't planning for things to be different than anyone else, but we also want to be somewhat prepared if they are.

So with that being said...I've decided it's time to stop denying and start praying for Little Man, even if he is growing 100% healthy in there. Naturally, I'm praying for him to grow and be strong, but I'm also praying for myself. Am I ready for a baby? Ummm...no. Haha! Am I ready for a baby that could have disabilities? I want to be, if I have to.

My love for him runs so deep it's crazy.