finding out we're pregnant

Thank you all so much for your excitement and love! We feel so blessed and already feel our baby being loved, which just brings me the greatest joy. 

So finding out {sorry this is looooonng!}...

I will never forget that afternoon.

Ryan's shift was about to end and I was doing some of "his" chores so when he got home that evening we could just relax. I was in a hurry getting dinner made and collecting the trash around the house...

Rewind one week: 

My parents were visiting and I was still waiting for my cycle to start so I could start birth control {remember I was in the mindset of adoption - if we were ever going to try and get pregnant again it was going to be on "our" time and after we had our adopted baby. BAHAHA}, so I took a test just to confirm I wasn't pregnant.

I waited .5 seconds for the control line to show up and when it did I threw it straight into the trash can.

Six months ago I would have studied that test. Examined for a 2nd line in a different room, under different lighting, at different angles. Stared at it until my eyes crossed to see a faint positive line. Not this time.

Fast forward to the day we found out: 

I still hadn't gotten my cycle {or started BC} and am gathering the trash. I notice the test in the garbage and like any crazy careful woman, I give it a second look to make sure it was definitely negative.

Except when I plucked it out there were TWO lines!

And  then the following went through my mind -- "OHMYWORDNOWAYINTHEWORLDISTHATPOSITIVE!!"

Followed shortly by a very rational --
"the positive line must show up after a few days...there's just no way." 

About this time Ryan calls and tells me he's leaving work. I tell him I'm making dinner, taking out the trash {and having a freak.attack.}, and need to run.

Since I just went to the bathroom and had 30mins before Ryan got home I continued to get the rest of the trash and drink an entire bottle of water, all while thinking....is this going to dilute my urine too much? It's 5:30 at night it won't be positive now these tests are suppose to be taken in the morning? What in the world is happening? WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!? 

So I took a test and that 2nd pink line popped up right away, bright and obvious!

But since that could have been a fluke I took another. 

And another. 

And another. 

I stood at the bathroom counter and watched all those positive lines pop up. It was incredible and possibly the scariest thing I've seen to date.

You might be wondering...scary? Yes! I'm not suppose to get a positive on these things...what the freak show was happening?!?! Ha!

I was ready to burst at this point and called Ryan to see how far away he was - just a few minutes!

{Can you feel that? Oh. It's just my heart.racing.}

When he pulled in the garage I waited patiently. But since he decided to take an eternity, I just opened the door and said "you need to come inside, we have a situation." 

The rest went something like this....

Ryan: a situation, huh?

Me: yes, get in here.

Ryan: OH! Did Marilyn {our social worker} call? Is is about the adoption?

Me: funny you mention the adoption. Marilyn didn't call, but it does have something to do with the adoption.

I'm pacing back and forth this entire time and somehow getting french fries on a cookie sheet for dinner {?!?!}. 

We honestly both completely forget the next part of the conversation. Either I told him specifically I was pregnant or he guessed it. I'm pretty sure he guessed it. I hate how we can't remember!

The next thing I remember is telling him to follow me upstairs and see the "proof."

I grabbed all 5 tests and put them in his face with a big "these all say POSITIVE! But they expired last month, so maybe they're wrong??"

Ryan, being the best husband of all time, started to cry. 

I, being cold-hearted, walked right up to his face and told him to keep it together. These tests could all be wrong!

No hug. No kiss. No high-five. No fist bump. 

A miracle was shining at us through those tests and I was not going to get excited. 

Stay rational. That's all I could think.

Thinking back it's a shame, but makes sense. I'm sure most of you are thinking I went hog wild with excitement, but I have conditioned my brain over the last 2 years to react appropriately and with as few emotional high and low emotional responses as possible regardless of the outcome, which all happened to be bad for us.

Good, amazing, incredible news??

What do I do with this? 

Ryan was the best. He was truly SO surprised. 

Because the tests expired the month before I insisted we get more to be sure! We barely ate dinner {who could eat?} and went to CVS. 

I was stealthy and worried someone might see me. Ryan didn't see the big deal, but I thought - people think we're adopting....buying a pregnancy test is so scandalous.

Bahaha.

When we got home, I took another digital test and was SURE it would say not pregnant. Surprise - it didn't! 

I didn't sleep more than 10 mins that night.

And so starts our new journey :)

UP NEXT: telling our families!