IVF - Post III {retrieval}

Hmmm...where to start?

I'm having a lot of mixed feelings right now.

Let me start off by saying that I'm SO glad my Mom and Aunt are here -- we're having a nice visit!

Our retrieval was a few days ago at 6:30am...nice and early!. Everything went well -- I have never loved Valium and demoral more :) Not like I regularly take it or anything! The nurse injected the demoral into my IV and I started talking and didn't stop. Ha! The retrieval  needle hurt, but the big D definitely took the edge off.

My nurse was so wonderful! She sat right on my left side and asked me questions and talked to me the entire time. It was a real blessing. Even though the pain took my breath away a few times, I tried to be polite and answer her questions which was really a good thing -- kept my mind off of the procedure.

They removed the fluid from 8 follicles and ended up with 5 eggs total. And might I add the last 2 follicles were buggers to get into -- umm....that wasn't fun.

I wasn't so sure about only getting 5 -- their goal was between 10-15.  I knew we wouldn't have oodles  because the ultrasounds didn't show a ton, but this whole time we were going for quality, not quantity so we both smiled and considered it a victory.

I slept pretty much the entire day. I was trying to pride myself on not being effected by the medicine, but I eventually just gave up and slept. forever. I even slept through the 2nd half of Downton Abbey...if that's saying anything.

I took Tylenol every 4 hours all day and was really comfortable. Through the night I had a little pain, but nothing bad or unmanageable -- it was really a pretty easy procedure. For me. I know everyone's experience is different. I felt lucky.

We were set to get a call from the nurse the next morning to get the number of eggs that fertilized, how many look strong enough to transfer, and which day the transfer would be.

When I answered the phone and it was my doctor I knew that something was wrong. After the intial small talk he told me that none of our embryos survived and that the transfer would be cancelled.

0 out of 5.

Sad.

It was such a low point.

I started crying right away. Mostly because I was just disappointed. Even though we told ourselves over and over that it wouldn't work the first time {just to protect our emotions from getting hammered if it didn't work} we did have hope we'd have at least ONE embryo to transfer.

I then thought, what the heck!?!? If we can't make an embryo in a petri dish -- it will never happen!!

Ryan was so great and assured me that it will happen. He's the best.

I know that God's plan is unveiling itself more boldly than ever, but it's not easy.

We're talking about what to do next and are most likely going to another fertility specialist. It's a tough decision to make. Thank you soooo much for your support! I feel like it's really helped me stay positive through this whole thing so far. I just have the best friends and family.

We're still pushing forward.