Tuesday, December 4, 2012

staying positive

Still pressing forward in our journey to start a family!

November was our last month of trying on our own {w/the help of letrozole} and nothing.

I honestly, honestly can't believe I'm even writing posts like this. It just seems so unreal. I find myself thinking that a lot recently, that I just don't understand. I would never want anything to be clearly wrong, but it would help me to understand a bit more why we aren't getting pregnant.

I feel like whenever I hear about a new friend who is pregnant or see a little tiny baby a big question mark pops up over my head and bobs around and I'm like...why aren't we pregnant yet? What's the deal? ha ha

It's the one thing that continues to remain completely out of my control. I feel much better off the crazy pill {clomid} and more optimistic about the future -- baby or no baby. I'm sure when I talk about no baby it sounds very pessimistic, but I want to be sure that I'm accepting God's plan for my life, even if it looks nothing like what I have planned. I feel called to be a Mom, but there's also the chance that God has something else in store for me.

I just don't know! I think because I'm trying to stay open to something different doesn't mean He won't fulfill my heart's desire. Maybe I've been misreading some cues along the way?!? Maybe I'm thinking about it too much?!? Maybe I just need to forget it and then it will happen?!?

Well, that's not going to happen -- I just can't forget about it :0) We're starting IVF treatment in January and preparing to start right now. I start BC today {necessary first step to getting everything on track} and just can't believe it. Preparing my heart and mind for whats to come in the next month or two.

To those of you who read -- thanks for your prayers! I hope to look back on these posts with kids going crazy in my house , or doing something I never thought I'd do, or just the same but with a different outlook on life, praising God for his continual mercy and plan.

"Behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel -- which, when translated, means, God with us." Matthew 1:23


Anonymous said...

Erin, we are praying for you and Ryan. I know u want to have children of your own, every women does. God has a plan for you and his plan maybe u do IVF or maybe adopt or have a child natural. I have a friend who couldn't have children of her own and she struggled with it for a very long time and didn't understand why God wasn't giving her a child. One day she realized that God wanted her to have a child, but it would be children that didn't have a home or parents. she now has two beautiful children that they adopted. Just know God has a plan for you and Ryan, it may be adoption or it maybe the IVF way or the natural way. You will be a parent one day and you will be amazing mom at that. We love yall and please know if there is anything we can do for yall let us know.

Kelsey Winter said...

I'm continually praying for you and Ryan as you go through this difficult time. I can't imagine God putting this desire on your heart without having a plan for it, and so I hope IVF brings a fulfillment of your hopes and prayers. No matter what, you have many family and friends who love and support you. Stay strong.

brandi baird said...

I have a baby girl and her father Eugene has a sister Stacy an she was having no lucky getting pregnant and she decided after many fry's like u to go to a different doctor an her blessing came after the doc put her on a medicine called ploxicin. (Don't go based on the spelling). Maybe u can try this kind. The first week it was 3 shots at night in her rear an then after that one a night. Only for her first trimester. Maybe this u can try.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

Doesnt it feel so odd to take birth control when trying to hard to have a baby?! Good luck with your cycle. If you have any questions, I am here!!

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