emotional roller coaster

I feel like I've been up and down more this month than ever.

When you've been trying to get pregnant and just can't seem to, it's hard.

Since my low at the end of August, I've really had a peace about where we're at and genuinely just happy and full of joy. I'm not sure if God is changing my heart and making me more patient, or if I'm just getting used to having my hopes up and then being disappointed.

I know 14 months isn't long to a lot of people, but it is to me. And when it hasn't happened over the last 14 you don't feel like it will happen in the next 14.

It's just been a lot of ups and downs. Overall, I feel really happy, but then certain moments I just cry and cry and then it's over and I'm completely back to normal. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the 150mg of clomid I've been taking ;0)

That stuff makes me feel a little crazy! Someone suggested taking it at night and that has been really helpful!

I'm just trying to stay positive and be genuinely happy for my family and friends who are pregnant and having kids! I never want anything but happiness for all the people I love! It will be our turn one day!

Ryan has been SO wonderful this whole time! He used to rush to my side when I started to cry, but I think he's kind of used to it now and just lets me go. It always passes! ha ha  Like during the elephant video...I completely lost it. The mommy and baby elephant reunite! So precious!

I know this might sound stupid to a lot of you, but I honestly think God put little fuzzhead into my life to be my fur baby during this time until we have our own kids {told you I was going crazy}. He's just such a sweet, loyal companion. He keeps me company so many nights when Ryan has work and I've been home alone. He also gives me something to care for other than myself -- I feel so self involved recently.